Eugene's communications to his friends

Gender

Mon, 13 Feb 2006 00:48:13 GMT

My dear friends. The time has come at last. As most of you know, I've been struggling hard lately with something very very taxing. The way the live journal would have you believe is that I've been grappling with something private and important for the last few months. The truth is I've been dealing with it for most of my life. Since I was 13. Today that struggle is over. That's right over. No more wondering what parents will say, or fighting back something that can't be contained. It is time you met the real me. and knew me for who I truly am. I apologize in advance if any of you are offended. Friends, My name is Gina. I've known this from sometime but only now have relinquished the unnecessary sense of dread and fear that has kept me at bay for countless years. My family and friends know, and all are supportive. This fact is an overwhelming gift from God and It will make the correcting of my physical body that much easier. Logos: this word means Logic in ancient Greek. I chose it for my screen name a long time ago, a long with flagman to be fixed names in an ever dynamic environment. Eugene the name my parents gave to me when I was born. I was named for my grandfather, Eugene James. The name I was given was Eugene John. These names unfortunately never fit and so I never used then terribly often. My name is Gina, the sound of this name is similar to Eugene, and so I keep the honor of my grandfather. But this name is a female's name so It is the one I've chosen for my time here. It is likely I will not be feminizing my middle name John. Joan never resonated with me, and johnnie is just well.. odd. This like many things is still uncertain at this time. What I know for sure is that God is with me, and you as well. This will be my final entry as Logos. This journal ends here. but My chronicle continues and so does my desire to tell my story. oginao is my new name on Live journal. You can find tellings of my trip from one gender to the next, and from insane to one with God. I will warn you though... It's very pink :) If you do not choose to read my new journal then with you take this.

You are everything and nothing at once. When you stop you mind from thinking, you will see this to be true. You will also see that things simply are and that good and bad are put over things so the mind can stay employed.

The Truth:
Things are. God is. You are fine now.

Out of the ashes

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 04:26:20 GMT

As well to be expected, I got a new car. It's pretty. It's the car I've been after since they came out in 2000 in the color I wanted too. I just hope nothing of value was traded for this. I know God is not so petty as to trade my true dreams for deliverance of my dream car. I am however VERY grateful for the deliverance of my dream car. Time to trick it out with some gold toyota badges, and better electronics. Take a look !

You are not prepaired, Give over to God for you are not in controll

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 06:56:05 GMT

Along the way back from visiting Kir this weekend. I found a sign for Burlington mall. I went to investigate the new mall (well new for me) and couldn't find it. Time to return to 295S to head back. I slowed down because the ramp was wet. Too late. The car lost traction, I turned into the skid to try and regain. Instead I hit the ramp retaining curb, I was not retained. It was at that moment that proved to me that you must ALWAYS be fully present when driving. When you drive there IS no world or problem outside of this task (driving) I felt three loud, banging thumps. THUM two, three THUM....four THUMCRUSSSSSSS and before me was my own windshield spidering and my dashboard closer than it should be. I felt the hand of God holding me in place as the physical world was ravaged by impact phsicis. My only thoughts as I was forced into awareness, was, "The vehicle has been hit! remove it from traffic. I can still drive.. THE VEHICLE HAS BEEN HIT REMOVE IT FROM TRAFFIC OR YOU WILL BE HIT AGAIN!" At that point all will and driving went into using the momentum to guide the vehicle off the road. I was successful. When I rebooted I tried to open the door as though It had been in a close call. The door wouldn't open. I pushed on it hard, no good. Had to climb over the center and out the other side. When I left my car The horror of what had happened left me at a complete loss. The other car was in a ditch on the other side of the road. I kept asking the bystander with the cell phone what had happened, she just told me to sit. NOBODY WOULD TELL ME! As I went to help the people in the other car an emergency response team from the interstate showed up, then an other car pulled in front of mine and guy and a woman got out, they checked the other car. When they where finished the guy was VERY angry. He was gesturing and calling me out in Spanish from across the road. If there weren't three lanes of traffic between us there would have been a beat down of this pathetic retard. The police showed up and wanted to take me to the hospital. I went. But I had to cross the road to get into the ambulance. When I did, the guy caught that I was near and they had to hold him back. I was worried they where gonna be dumb enough to put him in the ambulance with me. They weren't especially since he wasn't in the accident. I went to the hospital and was discharged with minor injury, stiffness and soreness mainly, few cuts and a tetnis shot. Then other party went into operation directly. I've never seen them. I don't know what happened to them. That man was going to kick my A$$, they had to hide me in an examination room...and I don't know why, I don't know the extent of what happened. My car lies in shambles in a field. I'm automaticly out 500 bucks, and now I've gotta make a car payment. I have a renta-tarus for now.

;;looks completely shaken and tortured:: There is a God, and God saves, Don't care what you say. You are dang fool if you reject this FACT.

I'm grateful that I am. Be. That is all you need do.

The GIMP

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 22:51:03 GMT

I found a binary version =^_^= of the GNU Image Manipulation Program (GIMP) It should save me from building the program from C it's a 60 mb Dl so i figure I'd scratch this out while I wait. Gotta love the widgit LJ client. ... or we kill you. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

The turn out:

I did in-fact not have to build the GIMP. However since it is a UNIX program, it required the X11 window server used by LINUX and UNIX. WHY THE H#LL the MAC native window server wouldn't work is beyond me. Much searching a googling later, I found that Tiger has x11 as an optional install and got the program working. GIMP an I should get along just fine except that I'm not seeing any way to do things like "save for web" I may wind up using ::gulp:: fireworks or freehand for what would be image ready in the Adobe world. It's gonna be a problem but hey! for nothing, and no educational restrictions, The GIMP is right shiny.

CheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitout
CheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitoutCheckitout

Dark Aliance

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 01:01:08 GMT

News has reached me of a most disturbing nature. It would appear as though the much revered Steve Jobs is now a BOARD MEMBER of the DISNEY corp. This is worrisome news indeed. The unlikely union may spawn horrible acts to quell non-controlled sharing of music. Disney, being one of the 12 monkeys is a proponent of having the common person bend over and take it with a razor dil.. AHEM...pickle every time he/she seeks a song. Apple, Already incorporating spyware into it's software ( custom ads in iTunes) and controlling the downloading of music, has a tremendous hold on the music sharing community at large. The two have an undeniable connection now. While the nature of the marriage is movie related. It may not stay in that arena. While I will not take pain from that which does not bite, I would not like to loose the ability to get music. It should be protected under the GNU or something.

Progress

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 21:58:10 GMT

A new character has been added to my list of pseudonyms. "The rabbit" will be my reference to the girl with whom I fell in love almost instantly. My feelings for her where completely suppressed for along while. During this time of reevaluation I feel it is best to leave nothing of that nature suppressed and love whosoever I do. Unfortunately she does not feel the same way. I am building a site for her. OSX4 killed off the S%#ty ways I used to make sites. My HTML is compliant now, and I use open-source software. It just stinks because to edit a picture I have to build the GIMP on my mac which I've not yet ever done. The work is hard. But the girl, and the purpose behind the site, are beautiful. If I cannot be worthy of her, at least I can allow that which is to be seen. The domain is O&R and I am working to resurrect my database design notes. This S)(*&#t should have been done by mid-december, but I've been very distracted lately by making life worth living. My Feelings for the rabbit, the flower, and myself have been bringing me to a point of decision. I can stay as I am, or stop resisting what is. Change has already begun from which there is no return. The rabbit will have her site, and an open invitation to be with me so long as I'm here in the traditional sense. But unlike my experience with the flower, I will not take pain from cooking a master dinner and having it get moldy. The self that is rejected and worthless that would be manifested by something like this, is a false self. I place it before the light God that it's falsehood be made luminous to the point of obviousness. in this from it exists not as me but as an example of what will happen If I identify with the future, or the past. once the lesson this example is recored, the example goes.

I have decided not to beat the s(^&t out of me because someone hasn't fallen in love with me. Self torture is my normal way of life. But it is insane. God has shown me something with the phrase "Do not run from that which is not in existance. (the future and past) What God has shown me, which I will share with you is this. I am, Things are, and God is. This is all that matters.

I took a online quiz..yay

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 02:42:35 GMT

ok so like this everybody on the web ever...

I JUST TOOK AN ONLINE QUIZ!

Isn't that interesting!? ok, I know... Don't worry I'm not planning to do this often

Bye bye Yahoo! personal

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 02:32:46 GMT

My dear friends: I've deleted my Yahoo! Personal profile. After 5 years of no response and countless tweeking: it is clear to me that this method of making friends does not function. One girl responded, I gave her my AIM name. It's up to her now. In light of all the thinking I've been doing lately it seams like I am ill suited for a girl of standard orientation. I will need to get my ample-chested, odd ball girl fix elsewhere. fear not. God either will move me to where I should be: or I'll be moved by the shiny, candy-like, personal photos on yahoo! once more. Though no time soon will I be spouting my usual dribble of "oh this chick looks pretty, maybe I have a chance if I just e-mail her and setup a profile. F that. Five years is enough. Besides, if God wants me to know a girl, I'll know her regardless of my account status.

The Cat prepares at long last to make her escape into the, "real world" My heart goes out to her. I may be able to help her get started. I must do so with caution however, lest I get into a position of care giver, or provider. I remember how hard the Cat's current task was. But what we leave behind is very important. It shows what we are willing to sacrifice, to obtain our will, and carry out the plan God has for us.

I had the fortune of spending a great deal of time with my dear friend Kir. I'm closer now to putting an end to all this sadness I've been feeling lately. Kir is probably wholly at peace and praising anything he can get his hands on for being rid of me. Being in the car with someone who ponders as much as I can be simply agonizing. He is to be thanked for his gracious (albeit red by now=0) ears

Go with God and know Gods voice

Widgets

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 03:52:15 GMT

I'm witting this post from something called a widget. It's a new feature of Mac OSX Widgets are tiny programs that do very simple tasks quickly. this widget for example is an LJ client. Other widgets get the weather, or my CPU usage or temp. While I find this overwhelming useful, I can't help but think it's useing system resources unnecessarily

From Dust beginith All, and All Endith in Dust

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 03:24:47 GMT

Haa I've broken free of my posting on the 8th of the month. The song today reminds me of beauteous finished products. The completed model there in all of it's glory, with each part of it's construction being recognized as a superb addition to the whole. There the sit the fruits of labor, slowly rotating in perfect lighting. Humans love dust and dirt. They toil for years to arrange it in the order they like. I wonder if they know it will last the same as the dirt and dust upon which they step?

12-11

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 14:29:55 GMT

Inspired by a friends’ LJ, I’m transcribing a dream I had a few nights ago. Bare in mind work has been heavy these past few weeks.

Interior: night
The CIC of DDG-68 USS The Sullivans (Arleigh Burke-Class Destroyer base line 7-1 AEGIS combat vessel) A tightly packed room with consoles and people occupying every inch, Tactical Action Officer (I guess that’s who sits at the console I was using) me, is monitoring tracks from the SPY radar.

Me
Contacts aspect is bearing on HVU sir

CO
Immobilize the track.

A this point I now go through the entire track engage procedure that I’m been writing at work. I can see the entire button panel, and can actually read the outputs. The panel I was using was much larger that the one I remember from the actual trip to The Sullivans I just took because my lesson enlarged it to show everything more clearly. So here’s this normal sized consol with a massive button panel on it.

Exterior : Night
Expository shot of DDG-68 steaming at 20 knots through the water. A navel battle is occurring but is not directly visible

Exterior : Night
Long shot of the DDG-68 mast. Standing on top of the mast (which is not really possible) is a coworker of mine from the office. He’s got on what he normally wares but is now wearing a long warlord cloak: big shoulders and all. Picture Piccolo from DBZ’s cape only the cloak is black. He is looking outward with a very stoic posture. With a slow, dramatic movement he points his right hand. Instantly the aft VLS launches the SM2s I’ve ordered in CIC. The missiles arch over my coworker pointing

Exterior : Night
Expository shot of DDG-68 my coworker is standing stoically on the mast pointing and looking outward. A volley of five missiles arch over his pointing figure as the wind of the traveling ship furls his cape to almost horizontal

Interior: night
The CIC of DDG-68 medium shot TAO POV a scrawny machinist mate comes running up to me with his arms full of batteries.

machinist mate
We’ve gotta get these power cells down below or the shields will fail!

Interior: night
The CIC of DDG-68 two shot rear perspective. A look of “what the H#ll are you on” is on my face as I think There’re no shields on a navy ship.

Bweeeeoooo

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 00:58:32 GMT

Chief of the watch: 1MC.

Friends this is your friend speaking.

It has come to my attention that many of the crew are concerned that the last post was a note heralding suicide. I'm sure it is not necessary to remind this crew of holy standing order #1. Death is not our propose here, nor is it my intent to harm any creature of God. The mission of the ship and the mission of it's crew is to foster unity and ensure the safe return of as many of Gods children as we can. We are all headed for major changes but change is the nature of progress. Let us all strive to make sure change is done to the satisfaction of God.

That is all

Thank you chief. Mr. Boradin: you have the con.

I Stand Ready Lord. Take me.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:35:23 GMT

I search for the proper words to describe what I am feeling now. I am embraced by the maelstrom of thoughts and feelings that come from the end of things, and the beginning of the new. This song is played as the world of Evangelion ends. At this time, all creatures drop that which makes them, them, and return to the oneness of the lord. The story is called "Death, and Rebirth." This notion is highlighted further in Harry Potter as the author makes references to the wonder bird: the Phenix. The magnificent creature dies in flame and is reborn from the ashes.

I am, so very sorry to all that I have loved, for I must leave soon. and I cannot take you with me. As I walk on I will reach then end, and find that I have left them all behind me. I do not have a problem with this, I am ready to go. But I know they have a problem with it. While they will not impede me, they are hurt deeply by my loss. I'm not so conceded as to think I am revered by anyone. but you all have proven to me you care, I thank God for all that I have, and pray he moves me forward. But today I wept for The Cat. It is possible that The Cat, and even others, hold "My Immortal"-Evanescence in there minds and hearts as a lament directed at me as I prepare, and continue to prepare for a journey that no one save for me can take. I cannot miss out on my life, nor on the opportunity to help all of you in a better way. But please know that I am sorry for leaving you. Know that you should love God, not me, for God will never leave you. I hope immeasurably that God helps me to leave quickly: that you endure no more pain on my behalf.

11/15

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 20:16:38 GMT

Merry Meet!

The song this time was one of the first to utilize the synthesizer connected to a microphone. The most famous usage thereof being "Do You Feel Like We Do" from Peter Frampton in the mid-70's. This technique would remain with relative popularity until the late 90's when Daft-Punk ( a french techno group) used it to make an almost classical note structure in songs like, "Aerodynamic," and " Digital Love".

The commissions of which I spoke in my last update are going well. The first slated for completion in mid-December/ early January.

Finally got the place cleaned up from Friday. I had the luxury of the attendance of the flower. Usually the departure of the flower brings with it pain and a realization of true loneliness. This time was different. I was able to keep walking along Gods path and not allow my self to be bogged down. Does this mean I'm "Over" the flower? Has my ridiculous, selfish, uncommitting heart found a new target? While it would appear I am starting to get dangerously close to infatuation with someone, the answer is no. I love The flower, and The cat and all that I have loved to this day. This is why I can be with none of them. Stupid: isn't it?

I deleted most of the last post because I realized that kind of thing should not take place in a public forum. Sorry

Know your destination, and have the strength to walk. God will build you a road as you go if you let him.

11/09

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 03:36:14 GMT

Oddly enough, I usually update on or about the 8th of each month. This is not intentional, it's usually when I can get to it/ feel there is enough information to report. The Ents said it best when they spoke to effect of "We take a long time to say everything, because we feel you shouldn't speak unless it takes a long time to say." The song playing is alarmingly fitting. Too long have I been here, many winters,falls,springs, and summers. Another November that reminds me it's not been cold during winter since 94.

Went to Neko-con with The Cat and company. There I once again beheld the dearly beloved sisterhood of woman, and brotherhood of men. Hundreds gathered in a place called "Hampton Roads" in VA. The encounter gave me a glimpse of life after this journey of mine is ended. This made me happy. it also reminded me that this is a cup from which I cannot drink while I am here. Less I be "bound too long" and miss my chance to do the will of God. This girl I know... careful I must be, or else I will fall in love again. The flower proved to me that love must come from God. I must not seek it out while I am here. I pray I leave soon.

My friends you are to be thanked for reading this nonsense.

I've acquired a new NIC for Mustang and will be installing whenever time permits if at all. I have finally received commissions for web scripting. I am excited because I can do something other than work for a change: something that will use my other skills. Like a mussel grossly out of shape, I find my self struggling to produce. The owners of these commissions deserve no less than perfection. I will do what I can, but it will be mediocre, for I will have done it.

My dear friends and family. I have failed you so utterly. you had placed in me charge of your wedding memories. Of this I've not forgotten. Excuse after excuse will attempt in vain to justify my lack of return. The answer is I was just not strong enough to do it all. My form is weak, and my time limited. I am no sort of man, which is why I cannot fall in love again, for I will surely be again rejected. Even if I wasn't rejected, the cat knows I cannot stay even if I'm loved in return for love. Shall I break anothers' heart, or put mine up to be broken, again?! Real women want a home. I cannot give this. and thus I am no sort of man.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 02:07:45 GMT

Merry Meet and fond Greeting to all!

Happiest of Happy new years to all. May this year bring you joy and cheer, remind you of your mistakes, and remind you of lessons learned from those mistakes. May you each find the Lord this year and say "yes" to the Lords will. For so doing will bring you endless peace. Now is the time to let go of that which attaches us, and embrace that which will bring us home.

Good Samhain everyone! May God bless and keep you!

This is a pic of my weel of the year! it's lit full and shines the light of God even though it's a dark photo =0)

Marry Part!

10/16

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 23:51:23 GMT

LINUX is running...

At approximately 12:30 this afternoon, in the whiteness of my room, a version of SUSE LINUX was successfully installed on Mustang. The event marks the completion of an over 1-month project where upon I was to build a new computer. In all fairness, 11 months 30 days of the 12 months was me not having enough money for parts.

The end result was mustang

P III 500MHz
512 BSC
784 ram
38 GB HD
128 ATI rage vid card
17" CRT monitor
Running SUSE 10.0

The project was originated by The Gamer when he gave the case, the motherboard, and the network card as a Christmas present last year. It was to be my first voyage into LINUX and serve as the building of the tools needed for further ventures into Open-Source web development.

First tasks for Mustang will include:
Learning Gnome
recompiling the LINUX Kernel
Installing and configuring MYSQL
Installing and configuring Apache
Installing and configuring PHP
SSH compatibility testing between Mustang and other computers

10/8/05

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 14:36:47 GMT

As the gangsta vibrates my floor from the neighbor below, I write this with the door open and the moist fall air coming in. The world gets worse every day, yet some how I am more hopeful as each day passes. My friend is stressing heavily over her son and with good reason. The boys' troubles are beyond my current scope of help. This saddens me greatly.

I have now completed my first two assignments at work on time and within budget. This will help to not be fired but does nothing for job satisfaction. While I will not be so stupid as to revel details about my company over the LJ like that one guy. I will tell you all that I am already looking to work elsewhere. My job is not horrible, but it's not right either.

Next week I'm meeting with people that might provide some interesting side-work which will make my education seam more worth the expense.

I have, for the first time ever even my life given my phone number to a girl I saw. (at Game Stop). I'm proud to announce that the boyfriend was NOT waiting for me at my car with a black-Jack. She has responded, and is taken. I suspected as much but there was more my actions then a date. I'm not sure why I did that but I'm sure it will become clear later.

On the topic of God doing stuff, God has cleansed the long Haunted Depford Mall in Depford NJ. Some 20-25 years ago, some teens where in a dispute over drugs and one was shot. The violent, frightened sprit of the teen and company hunted the mall for years. I have been attached while shopping there twice and had no desire to return ( the Depford mall never had anything good anyway:) God sent me there last Wednesday and has now cleared the area completely.

The new year is approaching fast, and with it I see many things die, and many other things being primed for launch. Do not anticipate: for God will use you for the purpose for which you where made. You needn't worry about finding your purpose, or "doing it right" you need only be willing to "do it"

A Warning

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 15:05:05 GMT

This is a warning that I suggest you all heed to the most finite degree. Ladies And Gentlemen PLEASE read your financial information carefully. Be fully aware of that into which you enter. Read your terms and conditions, They are long, you get tired, you say "I know this already" but you may not fully realize what the information you read MEANS. I've just finished an enlightening phone call with my credit company.

Ladies and Gentlemen I've been paying $114.00 a month for the last two years and the balance on my account is the same as the day I signed. In fact it is much worse than when I signed. Two frustrating years later I was finally informed that I had a service on the account that added almost $40 to the balance every month. Apparently I had signed up for "credit protection" which is billed based on your balance. My balance was $4,000! This lead to a $40 addition to Principle every month past the first. I was signed up automatically on a trial period. I was supposed to write to the company and cancel a service I reviewd, tossed, and forgot I had! Further, the minimum payment did not reflect this. it was based on interest and principal. I have been loosing ground by $26 every month. Two years from the signing I am now over credit limit and have been for almost a year, my credit score is burnt, and I have no recourse, I can expect the shabbiest of treatment for car loans, or mortgages for the next two years.

READ your terms, ask them questions, the warning is this:

Credit Companies and Banks Will Not Offer Information to Help You. YOU MUST ASK for It!

Do you know the dollar amount in interest you are paying each month?
Do you know what your interest rate is?
Do you have any additional services on your account?
Does your account have an annual fee?
Do you know this information? You should.

The world of men is worse than you know: the world of God is better than you can imagine. There can be no despair so long as you allow God to save you from it. Indeed(amen).

Life = it's Memory

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 03:44:03 GMT

When on the event of lunch I occasioned a small girl with her mother, " now hold on tight” said the mother to her clearly over-stimulated daughter, " or it will go into the sky." They made their way to the exit and I thought no more of it than a yarn ball regards the international oil trade. I finished my gathering of caffeine and gave praise to the lord for the glory of lunch. As I hastened to my car in return to work I saw before me a childs' first exposure to the notion of un-attachment. The young girl had not heeded her mothers’ advice, and off it went in to the sky. Now, this is not an unusual occurrence, some kids cry mercilessly. Others stair, some do what this child did. Look upon it fondly, and with her mommy she waved bye-bye, to a special object that did not behave like the others. I floated in the air while others fell to the ground. The child lost her balloon, but what did she actually loose? Why wave bye-bye to that which cannot see, or has any concept of waving, seeing or anything else? The answer is that the child does not wave to he balloon. She wave to the special thing she once had and can now never retrieve. With a loving kiss of consol her moth put her in the car and took the moment to observe.
It was a bright lunch.

We cannot see what is; nor what shall be. We can only see what was and what is likely. There is no present: only the past. All events take place in the past. Thus through this realization, God eliminates death, for the ones we remember we still remember, it’s just been a longer time since we’re recorded anything new from them. The girl hardly noticed the balloon when she held it, but the world stops as she waves bye-bye to the good thing she had. The reality is, the balloon is not actually gone, what is represented is still here. Only the focus of view has changed. My friends, look fondly and wave a thankful bye-bye to your balloons, for ultimately they are but gas and rubber, it is joy that must remain, and the lack of fear the child had to be held in her mothers’ arms and have her wave along side.

The meaning of life is to be remembered. We have children to pass on names and legacies, those that bear no children effect their community, or erect statues or die in combat, all, so that we are remembered when we can no longer move the dust of the earth to our will.

A bright lunch. I remember it well.

The meaning of life is to be remembered - Eugene Oxley

8-8

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 00:04:26 GMT

Just Press 8 8 now that's service! I've had the retarded phrase stuck in my head all day because of a commercial I saw for the shopping network I think, or might of been garden state cable TV. ( for the dim ones to day is the 8th day of the 8th month). I went to work at 9 fing 30 today. Pi$$es me off I can't get my ungrateful A$$ to work on time. The forest beyond my APT is beautiful. The weather today was great. We could you more days of cool breeze and indirect sun. I search for supplemental income using web design. Any one know someone who need a web site or page just let me know. I can't really work on anything like that for a while though. My place is still in shambles. Need to (goes to Paul Senior voice) Get my dad's site DONE! (returns to non-obnoxious mode) Got shelved though work and the move which is STILL NOT DONE! So F)(#* lazy, unbelievable.... I found a Wall mart in sauken, I may try and find it again though k-mart is right there. Wall-mart, target, these types of stores are the Tiberium of retail. sucking every last useable resource from the land, but they infinitely usable in and of themselves

8-7

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 19:57:02 GMT

Sunday, Time for dinner with the parents. My mind wanted to corrupt me again today: turn me away from the light like it usually does after a nice time. I starred at it. It was right where I left it, which was odd cause tone of other people could have moved it. But there it was. The subconscious urging me forward, but I KNOW now that everything they say is a lie. It's never felt good, in all the ways they've made me do it over the last 13 years, it's never ACTUALLY felt good. It's a lie. One to which I will no longer listen. I've left it behind me. "What we leave behind is very important" and so I closed the door, and did not take it. It's probably still where I left it. I'm sure someone will move it eventually. It's hard to keep clear of the snags in life.

I had fun this weekend got to try out my new homemade bed. Friends came over: we had a good time. Boxes still shatter the harmony of this place: Still no idea where to put anything, or even if I should keep this stuff. Asian Philosophy would say get rid of the stuff, be not attached. PNC would say you've over drafted your account again, Discover would say we're raising your rate. Thus potentially hampering detachment, as I can't afford give it all away. Some shelves perhaps... They fixed the front door downstairs finally, I still can't let people in but it's getting better. Security in a building like this is a fallacy anyway, True apathy is at the heart of the management maintaining the system.

8-3

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 00:35:53 GMT

You all will find I update more. I’m happy that I got back before 6:30 today. I have flex hours yet never use them to their full potential. I’ve wond up still going to work from 9-6 I detest that shift, yet can’t wake up earlier than 8 I’m improving however. Used flex to leave early yesterday and come in early today. Got back at 5 30. Left at 4:57 5- 7 min to get out of that place. Stupid checkpoints. Sang yesterday…. I miss my first girlfriend so very much. Her voice was a window to the lord that made you just stop and notice how beautiful God can make something. She’s married now. S’s got two kids already. May I one-day find my home, for it is nothing that exists here. The world is perfect and balanced. Never forget this. It is easy to forget when one does not live in the world but rather on it like so many programs atop a perfectly compiled Kernel. I don’t know where I'm going. But I know I must …… to get there. 20:25 Time to wonder the Agora before we are no longer welcome for the evening. My typings since the end of my charter have been sickeningly angsty. It must be Live Journal. It’s not worth writing if it’s not disparate and heralding a help-cry. I’m really not so bad off. Pulled my Yahoo personal. The girl I wanted to talk to there never e-mailed me. I sign on for her, e-mailed her messages and e-donices. no good. I could have left it there for free but I don’t want to go back. Those girls want a home I cannot provide for them. I can’t marry, nor can I have sex. For what use would it be to God to bind my DNA or yet my very sole to the world I am trying so hard to leave? Five min of extra thoughts…. The Agora awaits.

Hi

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 03:19:02 GMT

Hey everyone. It's me Eugene. Well you've read the news. I su#@%. I work for a defense contractor now, making training using Instructional design. My web stuff is shelved at the moment. yea,... I have a new apartment. Here in NJ nice place, had a bout with roaches, but we seem to be ok now ::knock:: Boxes every where. I now have six boxes full of stuff about which I have NO idea what to do. The furniture I once had in My old places, is gone now: given away.... It was the right decision. I have too many things. May God be with all of you. Celebrate your fortunes and see the lessons in your strives. Listen to God, not me. For I am stupid. You read about that.

Hey out there :) : a guide to On-line dateing

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 02:51:25 GMT

Summer time is here. The star sizzles and the streets are coated with a mirage- like heat refraction. About this time of the year, the girls come out in droves to attract mates for the upcoming fall and winter months. Low cut shirts and high-high skirts are but opening examples of an overwhelming desire held by many women during the summer: sex/ love. Any local alcohol poison distribution center will demonstrate a healthy stock of women- desperate to “get some.” However more and more women are turning to the window to the world that is the internet and asking the digital match maker to find there true love for the next three months. But these women are NOT fulfilling their end of the bargain. Horn-dog desperate men out there are perfectly willing to give these girls what they want but they simply have no sense of advertisement and or presentation. This session will focus on the techniques and tasks to properly post a female personal ad.

Phase I:

The headline

…………………………. Uplink Terminated……………………………………………..

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It is our most chagrin and unfortunate duty to inform you that the one known as Logos ( shamefully taking the name when he- a wretch of stupidity, would not know logic if it where implanted into him) has been revoked of his Crystalline Library Annex Charter. This was due to his horrific inability to actually add to the body of knowledge your race possesses. Moreover, the charter has been repealed because of an ignominiously long duration between information dissemination articles. We implore you to study the knowledge of your race well, and be one with God. Rest assured that the filth Logos has been sufficiently reprimanded, and will not be permitted to maintain an Annex Charter until such time as he can furnish evidence of his improve. We encourage you all to seek out the Crystalline Library when you finally have the mental capacity to withstand true reading.

Yours truly,
Verdider Tufandee
Under-Librarian, Forth-Class,
The Crystalline Library